Ben Roethlisberger will not be charged for sexually assaulting Santonio Holmes

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger, will not face criminal charges for sexually assaulting a 26 year old NFL player inside the Steelers’ locker room bathroom. What makes the case so weird is that the player making these accusations against Ben is his former teammate, Santonio Holmes.

District Attorney, Fred Dark, said Monday that after exhaustive interviews and inconclusive medical exams, the player’s accusations could not be proven and he was never able to find out what happened behind the Steelers’ locker room bathroom door.

“Here the overall circumstances do not lead to a viable prosecution. I am well aware of Mr. Roethlisberger’s sexual dalliances with players but, even though it makes me nauseas to think about, we do not prosecute morals. We prosecute crimes. But I did not have enough evidence to convince 12 jurors that Santonio’s injuries were a result of Ben’s sick actions. Yuck.”

Roethlisberger, in his first public remarks since Santonio’s accusations, read a 74-second statement at a podium right outside the Steelers’ locker room bathroom where the alleged sexual assault took place.

“The prosecutor’s decision not to bring charges, I know without a doubt, is the right conclusion,” said Roethlisberger, who was wearing a red sports shirt with a Rainbow symbol on it. “I don’t intend to discuss any details related to the events of this locker room bathroom. I am just happy to put it behind me and move forward with my teammates. I already have a meeting scheduled in the locker room bathroom with my newest teammate, Antwaan Randle-El.”

Perhaps showing support for Ben and disbelief in Santonio Holmes’ accusations, the Rooneys traded the WR to the New York Jets for a 5th round pick. A trade that Santonio said was welcomed by him to free himself from that ‘perv boy’.

“I am thankful to the Rooneys for this move because it will keep me away from Ben and his constant touching. I also have some connects in New York that keep that good green, so I’ll be closer to them. And I am looking forward to playing for Coach Ryan. I always wanted to play for a disciplinarian like that. I’m just glad he wasn’t the coach in Pittsburgh because Ben would’ve probably fondled Rex’s supple breasts.”