After the Cleveland Cavaliers played the Orlando Magic this week, Shaquille O’Neal commented to the media questioning the true origin of the “Superman” mantra, referencing the use of it by Orlando center, Dwight Howard. Dwight, in response, basically told Shaq to get over it because ‘a lot of people call themselves Superman, not just me and Shaq.’ And one of those persons held a press conference to tell both of those multi-million dollar superstars to just shut the f*ck up.
“Why the h*ll are we even entertaining these two idiots? “said reporter, Clark Kent, with much disdain. “These two normal humans are making millions of dollars playing a damn game. I am a super human and I had to work as a measly reporter at that crappy Daily Planet, barely making minimum wage, and I didn’t have to step in front of the cameras boasting about who I was. How can they be Superman anyway ? Neither one of them have that little Vidal Sassoon curl in the front of their hair.”
One of Clark Kent’s arch-nemesis, General Zod, was quick to chime in on this ‘Who is the real superman?’ debate.
“In my professional villain opinion, this is really no question. I quickly realized the authenticity of Clark’s Superman powers that time I asked him to ‘Come, kneel before Zod’ and that prick crushed my frickin hand leaving me with Arthritis. Furthermore, how could Shaq even be the son of Jor-el, isn’t his father’s name Phillip or something?”
Clark says that ‘even though everyone uses cell phones now’, he ‘will find a phone booth somewhere if it needs to be proven who the true man of steel is.’
“Look, for the last time. I am Clark Kent and I am the real Superman. Not Dwight Howard and not Shaquille O’Neal. My feats are impeccable and well-documented. And not only in saving Earth from General Zod and his 2 cronies but also in my eye for discovering talent. H*ll, I made Lex Luthor a star way before Enemy of the State and Wyatt Earp.”
No comments:
Post a Comment