SPIN into the Past: JaMarcus Russel re-declares as an LSU freshman after hearing that he'll be picked #1 by the Oakland Raiders

In a stunning series of events, JaMarcus Russell has re-declared as a freshman at Louisiana State University after hearing the news leaks of the Raiders identifying the QB as their likely pick.

JaMarcus announced on January 10 that he was foregoing his senior season at LSU to enter into the draft.

“This is the opportunity of a lifetime. The chance to make the jump to the pros at a time when I am a hot item is something I could not pass up. That was until I heard the rumors going around the NFL Combine that the Raiders were eyeing me as their QB of the future. I mean there is no way in hell that I am going to play for them. I’d rather take a job washing dishes at Golden Corral.”

After releasing Aaron Brooks, the Raiders were looking to make JaMarcus their centerpiece of the future.

“We are very disappointed at Mr. Russell, “said GM, Michael Lombardi. “We were poised to make him the #1 overall pick in the draft, and give him a hefty contract in the process. But now what are we going to do? Draft that midget, Troy Smith, or that Brady Quinn guy? Because we cannot go into the season with just Andrew Walter and Marques Tooee-Toowey,Too-Too-Too damn hard to pronounce. I just want you to know JaMarcus, THIS IS WAR!!! You hear me, WAR!!! You will regret the day you decided on not being in an Oakland Raider uniform. Throwing touchdowns or taking Mr. Davis to go potty.”

LSU coach, Les Miles, was ecstatic to have JaMarcus back in a Tigers uniform.

“I can’t tell you the joy that I have now that my quarterback is coming back to us for another year. I mean JaMarcus was the SEC player of the week 3 times, was the Sugar Bowl MVP, and even won the Manning Award for being the best QB in the SEC who was unable to win the SEC championship. I hope that the Raiders suck every year so they will always get the #1 overall pick. Then JaMarcus will be mine forever.”

JaMarcus showed optimism though when told of the rumors of Randy Moss possibly being traded to the Green Bay Packers.

“Are you forreal? That would be sweet. If the Raiders trade Randy then they will definitely select Calvin Johnson #1. And Matt Millen will probably choose another receiver, with his retarded azz. So it looks like Cleveland would be my new home. And playing for Romeo Crennel is much better than playing for Lane Kiffin and Al Davis. That would be almost like playing for my little nephew and my dead uncle.”