Tiger Woods, who hasn’t played with any female in public or private since a Thanksgiving-night car accident unleashed a slew of accounts on his marital infidelities that led to him taking a leave of absence from the bedroom, announced on Tuesday that he will indeed be making his return this season to his wife’s vagina.
The announcement means that Woods’ self-imposed exile is indeed over and he can return to mastering his wife in the bedroom like he’s done for years.
“Elin was my first major prize since becoming a celebrity and I view her and her body with great respect. After a long and needed time away from the course, I feel like I am finally ready to start my season on hers. Even through all of my mishaps, Elin has always been a special focus in my career and, as a professional, inside her is where I need to be. Even if it has been a while since I last played with her.”
Woods, 34, thus will forfeit all preparation for any other female course that he has previously championed throughout his career. Although he could have returned to several other of his conquests from his past, Tiger felt it was only right that he make his return to the sex game with his wife.
“I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy for my addiction to sex and I am still continuing that treatment,” Woods said. “Although I am returning to competition with Elin, I still have a lot of work to do to mend our relationship. I just hope that I can be the same Tiger with her between the sheets that she remembers.”
Eager for what Tiger’s return can do for them, Augusta National has offered to sponsor Woods with a luxury suite at their exclusive club for his return engagement with Elin.
“I would sincerely like to thank the Augusta National members and staff for their support to me and my return. I have such a deep appreciation for everything they did to make this such a spectacular event for Elin and I. And I plan on making this spectacular for them, also, by broadcasting it on live TV. Just so all the people out there who want to be like Tiger, can truly see how I maneuver my way through each hole.”
The announcement means that Woods’ self-imposed exile is indeed over and he can return to mastering his wife in the bedroom like he’s done for years.
“Elin was my first major prize since becoming a celebrity and I view her and her body with great respect. After a long and needed time away from the course, I feel like I am finally ready to start my season on hers. Even through all of my mishaps, Elin has always been a special focus in my career and, as a professional, inside her is where I need to be. Even if it has been a while since I last played with her.”
Woods, 34, thus will forfeit all preparation for any other female course that he has previously championed throughout his career. Although he could have returned to several other of his conquests from his past, Tiger felt it was only right that he make his return to the sex game with his wife.
“I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy for my addiction to sex and I am still continuing that treatment,” Woods said. “Although I am returning to competition with Elin, I still have a lot of work to do to mend our relationship. I just hope that I can be the same Tiger with her between the sheets that she remembers.”
Eager for what Tiger’s return can do for them, Augusta National has offered to sponsor Woods with a luxury suite at their exclusive club for his return engagement with Elin.
“I would sincerely like to thank the Augusta National members and staff for their support to me and my return. I have such a deep appreciation for everything they did to make this such a spectacular event for Elin and I. And I plan on making this spectacular for them, also, by broadcasting it on live TV. Just so all the people out there who want to be like Tiger, can truly see how I maneuver my way through each hole.”
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