Monday, July 27, 2009
Trying to Make a Dollar Out of 15 Cents
The urban legend (for some odd reason) Tupac said this over a decade ago. Does this still apply to you? Are you still trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents?
Well, the fact of the matter is, you are not alone. Being deep into the recession has forced people into jobs they never thought they would do. It has made people do things they never ever would have considered before. Just the other day, I actually passed on going to Red Robin and instead settled for the “evil empire”, McDonald’s. Why, you ask? Because I had to decide on going to Red Robin or getting my eyes checked. So, after a long deliberation on whether it is necessary for me to see what I’m eating, I decided to see – you never know what you’re going to get from McDonald’s.
So I went to McDonald’s first, I wanted to concentrate fully to make sure my eyes were seeing perfectly. I went inside and ordered a Oudla Cunfer Poumber with Qheesa and medium Sqnifa (Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese and medium Sprite). And proceeded onto the eye doctor. I got there and decided to eat in the office because everyone tells me there is ALWAYS a wait at the eye doctor. So I went in and to my surprise there wasn’t a wait and they could see me. Of course, I asked for a moment to eat my Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. The receptionist looked at me strange and said “Sir, you’re holding a Whopper.” I was flabbergasted and shocked. Why would the evil empire – McDonald’s give me a Whopper even wrapped in Whopper paper without telling me they had new menu items?
Back to the lecture at hand, for many younger adults that have just arrived in the world of adulthood this age in life is turning out to be a bit testy. Rest assured though, these times will soon end. And if you can get through this, the rest of adulthood should be a breeze compared to living in a recession. Let me help you.
One, create a budget. This way you can preset your spending amount for each pay period whether it be one week, two weeks or monthly. This will help you in the beginning to actually see in numbers how much money you are bringing in every paycheck. Secondly you can budget how much to spend in every area of your life. Google has free documents that you can utilize and even export/transfer to your computer in its programs. Check it out, you need a google account. They also have other useful documents.
Two, I have just become aware of a great website, thanks to my sister, that automatically tracks where you spend ALL of you money, Mint.com. It has other features too, that I have not utilized. If you are into it and don’t mind it syncs with your online bank account and categorizes each and every transaction that you make. You can even adjust the categories to your liking. It is very very useful. It is a really nice website and helped me to realize that I was spending too much money on a website called Goodeyesiteforidiots.com.
Last but not least, when you use the afore mentioned websites to budget and track your spending make sure you set aside 10% for savings. That 10% adds up over the course of a year and the course of your lifetime. By doing that and investing in the right stocks, mutual funds, saving accounts (compound) you can easily become a millionaire by the time you retire.
If you still want to find out how to make a dollar out of 15 cents (it is possible), check out this video (and subsequent videos if you are up to it and can mentally take it).
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Buddhism: Prevention Against Sucka Emcees
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Imani, Slimkid3, Bootie Brown, and Fatlip are... The Pharcyde
There are a few moments in Hip Hop when I can remember excatly where I was, and exactly what I was doing. The moment I heard Passin' Me By is one of those moments... I don't care if I ever have that feeling again in life; well yes I do... but the point is, that jarring moment of nostalgia. That "dayummmmm I remember that." Well to get to the larger point, unbelieveably The Pharcyde followed up that Passin' Me By moment with a classic LP, I mean CLASSIC in the truest sense of the word. So if by some tragedy you missed it, here it is again... with everything from Yo Mama to If I were President. Don't be a bamma twice in a lifetime... get it!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Reasons why there will never be a race war: Beasties Edition
Since some of us slept on this... I am not naming names, but you know who you are. Here it is once again... Paul's Boutique!! I am also wishing MCA a super speedy recovery!!
You ought to know: Black Superman, I mean Paul Robeson Edition
Paul Leroy Robeson was born in Princeton, New Jersey, on April 9, 1898, the fifth and last child of Maria Louisa Bustill and William Drew Robeson. During these early years the Robeson's experienced both family and financial losses. At the age of six Paul and his siblings, William, Reeve, Ben and Marian suffered the death of their mother in a household fire. This was followed a few years later with their father's loss of his Princeton pastorate. After moving first to Westfield, the family finally settled in Somerville, New Jersey, in 1909, where William Robeson was appointed pastor of St. Thomas AME Zion Church.
Enrolling in Somerville High School, one of only two blacks, Paul Robeson excelled academically while successfully competing in debate, oratorical contests, and showing great promise as a football player. He also got his first taste of acting in the title role of Shakespeare's Othello. In his senior year he not only graduated with honors, but placed first in a competitive examination for scholarships to enter Rutgers University. Although his other male siblings chose all-black colleges, Robeson took the challenge of attending Rutgers, a majority white institution in 1915.
In college between 1915 to 1919, Robeson experienced both fame and racism. In trying out for the varsity football team, where blacks were not wanted, he encountered physical brutality. In spite of this resistance, Robeson not only earned a place on the team but was named first on the roster for the All-American college team. He graduated with 15 letters in sports. Academically he was equally successful, elected a member of the prestigious Phi Beta Kappa Society and the Cap and Skull Honor Society of Rutgers. Graduating in 1919 with the highest grade point average in his class, Robeson gave the class oration at the 153d Rutgers Commencement.
With college life behind him, Robeson moved to the Harlem section of New York City to attend law school, first at New York University, later transferring to Columbia University. He sang in the chorus of the musical Shuffle Along (1921) by Eubie Blake and Noble Sissle, and made his acting debut in 1920 playing the lead role in Simon the Cyrenian by poet Ridgely Torrence. Robeson's performance was so well received that he was congratulated not only by the Harlem YMCA (Young Men's Christian Association) audience but also by members of the Provincetown Players who were in the audience. While working odd jobs and taking part in professional football to earn his college fees, Robeson met Eslanda "Essie" Cardozo Goode. The granddaughter of Francis L. Cardozo, the secretary of state of South Carolina during Reconstruction, she was a graduate of Columbia University and employed as a histological chemist. She was the first black staff person at Presbyterian Hospital in New York City. The couple married on August 17, 1921, and their son Paul Jr. was born on November 2, 1927.
To support his family while studying at Columbia Law School, Robeson played professional football for the Akron Pros (1920--1921) and the Milwaukee Badgers (1921--1922), and during the summer of 1922 he went to England to appear in a production of Taboo, which was renamed Voodoo. Once graduating from Columbia in 1923, Robeson sought work in his new profession, all the while singing at the famed Cotton Club in Harlem. Offered an acting role in 1923 in Eugene O'Neill's All God's Chillun Got Wings, Robeson quickly took this opportunity; he had recently quit a law firm because the secretary refused to take dictation from a black person.
Although All God's Chillun brought threats by the Ku Klux Klan because of the play's interracial subject matter and the fact that a white woman was to kiss Robeson's hand, it was an immediate success. It was followed in 1924 by his performances in a revival of The Emperor Jones, the play Rosanne, and the silent movie Body and Soul for Oscar Micheaux, an independent black film maker. In 1925 Robeson debuted in a formal concert at the Provincetown Playhouse. His performance which consisted of Negro spirituals and folk songs was so brilliant that he and his accompanist, Lawrence Brown, were offered a contract with the Victor Talking Machine Company. Encouraged by this success, Robeson and Brown embarked on a tour of their own, but were sorely disappointed. Even though they received good reviews, the crowds were small and they made very little money. What Robeson came to know was that his talents in acting and singing would serve as the combined focus of his career.
Acting and Singing Career
Robeson's acting career started to take off in 1928 when he accepted the role of Joe in a London production of Show Boat by Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein. It was his singing of "Ol' Man River" that received the most acclaim regarding the show and earned him a great degree of attention from British socialites. Robeson gave concerts in London at Albert Hall and Sunday afternoon concerts at Drury Lane. In spite of all this attention, Robeson still had to deal with racism. In 1929 he was refused admission to a London hotel. Because of the protest raised by Robeson, major hotels in London said they would no longer refuse service to blacks.
Much attention was given to Robeson's acting and singing and he was embraced by the media. The New Yorker magazine in an article by Mildred Gilman referred to Robeson as "the promise of his race," "King of Harlem," and "Idol of his people." Robeson returned briefly to America in 1929 to perform at a packed Carnegie Hall. In May of 1930, after establishing a permanent residence in England, Robeson accepted the lead role in Shakespeare's Othello. This London production at the Savoy Theatre was the first time since the performance of the great black actor Ira Aldridge in 1860 that a major production company cast a black man in the part of the Moor. Robeson was a tall, strikingly handsome man with a deep, rich, baritone voice and a shy, almost boyish manner. The audience was so mesmerized by his performance in Othello that the production had 20 curtain calls.
Accolades for outstanding acting and singing performances were prevalent during the 1930s in Robeson's career, but his personal and home life were surrounded by difficulties. His wife Eslanda "Essie," who had published a book on Robeson, Paul Robeson, Negro (1930), sued for divorce in 1932. Her actions were encouraged by the fact that Robeson had fallen in love and planned to marry Yolande Jackson, a white Englishwoman. Jackson, whom Robeson called the love of his life, had originally accepted his proposal but later called the marriage off. It was thought by some who knew the Jackson family well that she was strongly influenced by her father, Tiger Jackson, who was less than tolerant of Robeson and people of color in general. With his marriage plans cancelled, Robeson and his wife came to an understanding regarding their relationship, and the divorce proceedings were cancelled.
Activism
Robeson returned to New York briefly in 1933 to star in the film version of Emperor Jones before turning his attention to the study of singing and languages. His stay in the United States was a short one due to his treatment by the racist American film industries and because of criticism by blacks regarding his role as a corrupt emperor. Upon returning to England, Robeson eagerly immersed himself in his studies and mastered several languages. Robeson along with Essie became an honorary members of the West African Students' Union, becoming acquainted with African students Kwame Nkrumah and Jomo Kenyatta, future presidents of Ghana and Kenya, respectively. It is also during this time that Robeson played at a benefit for Jewish refugees which marked the beginning of his political awareness and activism.
Robeson's inclination to aid the less fortunate and the oppressed in their fight for freedom and equality was firmly rooted in his own family history. His father William Drew Robeson was an escaped slave who eventually graduated from Lincoln College in 1878, and his maternal grandfather, Cyrus Bustill, was a slave who was freed by his second owner in 1769 and went on to become an active member of the African Free Society. Recognizing the heritage that brought him so many opportunities, Robeson, between 1934 and 1937 performed in several films that presented blacks in other than stereotypical ways. He acted in such films as Sanders of the River (1935), King Solomon's Mines (1937) and Song of Freedom (1937).
On a trip to the Soviet Union in 1934 to discuss the making of the film Black Majesty, Robeson not only had discussions with the Soviet film director Sergei Eisenstein during his trip but was so impressed regarding the education against racism for schoolchildren that he began to study Marxism and Socialist systems in the Soviet Union. He also decided to send his son, nine-year-old Paul Jr., to school in the Soviet Union so that he would not have to contend with the racism and discrimination Robeson confronted in both Europe and America.
Robeson continued acting in films confronting stereotypes of blacks while receiving rave reviews for his success in singing "Ol' Man River" in the 1936 film production of Show Boat.He also embarked on a more active role in fighting the injustices he found throughout the world. Robeson co-founded the Council on African Affairs to aid in African liberation, sang and spoke at benefit concerts for Basque refugees, supported the Spanish Republican cause, and sang at rallies to support a democratic Spain along with numerous other causes. At a benefit in Albert Hall in London, Robeson is quoted in Philip Foner's Paul Robeson Speaks as saying "The artist must elect to fight for freedom or slavery. I have made my choice. I had no alternative." This statement echoed a clear and focused direction of Robeson's personal and professional life.
In 1939 Robeson stated his intentions to retire from commercial entertainment and returned to America. He gave his first recital in the United States at Mother AME Zion Church Harlem where his brother Benjamin was pastor. Later on in the same year Robeson premiered the patriotic song "Ballad for Americans" on CBS radio as a preview of a play by the same name. The song was so well received that studio audiences cheered for 20 minutes after the performance while the listening audience exceeded the response even for Orson Welles's famous Martian scare program. Robeson's popularity in the United states soared and he remained the most celebrated person in the country well into the 1940s. He was awarded the esteemed NAACP Spingarn Medal (1945) as well as numerous other awards and recognitions from civic and professional groups. In the American production of Othello(1943), Robeson's performance placed him among the ranks of great Shakespearean actors. The production ran for 296 performances--over ten months--and toured both the United States and Canada.
Robeson's political commitments became foremost in his life as he championed causes from South African famine relief to support of an anti-lynching law; in September 1946 he was among the delegation that spoke with President Harry S Truman about anti-lynching legislation. The meeting was a stormy one as Robeson adamantly urged Truman to act, all the while defending the Soviet Union and denouncing United States' allies. In October of the same year when called before the California Legislative Committee on Un-American activities, Robeson declared himself not a member of the Communist Party but praised their fight for equality and democracy. This attempt at branding him as un-American was successful in causing many to distrust his political commitments. Regardless of these events, Robeson decided to retire from concert work and devote himself to gatherings that promoted the causes to which he had dedicated himself.
In 1949 Robeson embarked on a European tour and in doing so spoke out against the discrimination and injustices that blacks in American had to confront. His statements were distorted as they were dispatched back to the United States. Although Robeson got mixed responses from the black community, the backlash from whites culminated in riot before a scheduled concert in Peekskill, New York, on August 27, 1949; a demonstration by veteran organizations turned into a full-blown riot. Robeson was advised of this and returned to New York. He did agree to do a second concert on September 4 in Peekskill for the people who truly wanted to hear him. The concert did take place but afterwards a riot broke out which lasted into the night leaving over 140 persons seriously injured. With such violence surrounding Robeson's concerts, many groups and sponsors no longer supported him.
By 1950 Robeson had received by so much negative press that he made plans for a European tour. His plans were abruptly halted because the United States government refused to allow him to travel unless he agreed not to make any speeches. With no passport and denied his freedom of speech abroad, Robeson continued to speak out in public forums and through his own monthly newspaper, Freedom. Barred from all other forms of media, his own newspaper became his primary platform from 1950 to 1955. His remaining supporters encompassed the National Negro Labor Council, Council on African Affairs, and the Civil Rights Congress. The NAACP openly attacked Robeson while other black organization shunned him in fear of reprisals. Undaunted by these negative responses, Robeson traveled the United States encouraging groups to fight for their rights and for equal treatment. Even though he suffered from health as well as financial difficulties, Robeson held firm to his convictions and published in 1958 his autobiography Here I Stand through a London publishing house.
On May 10, 1958, Robeson gave his first New York concert in ten years to a packed Carnegie Hall. When the concert was over, he informed the audience that the passport battle had been won. From 1958 to 1963 Robeson traveled to England, the Soviet Union, Austria, and New Zealand. He was showered with awards and played to packed houses throughout his travels. After being hospitalized several times throughout his trip due to a disease of the circulatory system, Robeson returned to the United States. Much had changed since the Civil Rights Act of 1957 and school integration were in full enactment. Robeson was welcomed on his return by Freedomways, a quarterly review which saw him as a powerful fighter for freedom. A salute to Robeson was given in 1965 which was chaired by actors Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee along with writer James Baldwin and many other admirers.
Eslanda "Essie" Robeson died of cancer in 1965 at the age of 68 and Robeson went to live with his sister Marian in Philadelphia. He remained in seclusion until he died there on January 23, 1976; on his 75th birthday four days later a "Salute to Paul Robeson" was held in Carnegie Hall. Paul Leroy Robeson's funeral was held at Mother AME Zion Church in Harlem before a crowd of 5,000.
On February 24, 1998, Robeson received a posthumous Grammy lifetime achievement award. His honors are numerous, as Robeson's life is being depicted through exhibits, film festivals, and lectures. Upon the centennial of his birth on April 9, 1998, at least 25 U.S. states and several countries worldwide hosted celebrations of his life and work in every conceivable manner.
Paul Robeson was truly a man who saw a commitment to the oppressed, and particularly black people, as a much more profound calling than the accolades he received for his astonishing talents. His extraordinary voice and engaging acting abilities would have undoubtedly brought him more fame, fortune, and approval than the activist role he pursed instead. It is because of this clear vision of justice that he is remembered as a great American and a great citizen of the world.
Declaration of Independence and Stupendence
I was in a good mood this morning. It wasn’t hot it wasn’t cold. It was just right. Not too sunny but not dark either. I was going to get my wife and me some food. It was a good morning. Nothing was more different than any other time I traveled down this rode since 1981; stores catering to the masses and cars zooming by fast and blowing the disgusting exhaust in my face. But this time something just hit me. This is an area completely set up and designed to keep the people in the area down and out of life. I’m not with it anymore, I quit and I am doing something about it.
Now, what exactly that entails is completely alien to me. Whether, I move like most people do and get away from the problem until it follows you there and you move again or I stick around and positively affect the community first hand is all up to…them. I really dislike some people. I can’t seem to talk their language. I try to speak to them the best way I know how but they hit me with the “Na’mean” or the “Yanowat I’m takkin bout” or the “I’m just gonna make dis come up real quick” or the “Like” and my mind just goes blank.
How can people in a community strive for bigger and better thing when there are 5 liquor stores and 6 carryouts within a 2-block radius? It makes no sense. Not to mention, and I know this might upset some folks, 8 churches (including 2 “mega-churches”) in the same area plus 2 blocks. Mostly of what they teach is this is God’s plan for you to be weak right now but you’ll get everything you deserve after you die. And by the way you HAVE to tithe (give 10% of your income) in addition to everything else that you’re struggling to pay for.
If you may allow me to take the original Declaration of Independence and switch around a few words for my usage to help me explain my point I would I appreciate it? Thanks.
"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the [social] bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
I changed one word to fit what I am speaking of. Just because we are socially connected doesn’t mean we have to stay that way. Everyone can choose and has a right to choose to separate and pursue their very own happiness.
This morning and right now I am declaring my own independence and declaring my stupendence. I will no longer be bound by the weights of society and the black community. I will no longer drink Hennessey just because, Pierre Ferrand tastes better anyway. Fried Chicken is good and although I am predisposed to loving the taste of it, it also increases my risk for countless health problems so instead, I’ll grill it – I at least have to grill. Right? I will value education and spending time with my family. I will dress in any way and style I choose; just because someone wears Polo or Dolce & Gabbana doesn’t mean they look good.
I will no longer let the world tell me what looks good and what I have to have to show that I am doing good. From this point on look at my house that I own or am buying and my running car (without rims; just because you add rims to a Caprice doesn’t make it a good car). Look at my happy wife and my happy kids and family. That is Stupendous!!!
From here on out I will be free of the entire make believe rules and limitations. I am going to flaunt my newfound stupendous things. Hopefully some others will follow in my footsteps and we can change the way we live and change how others live too.
Today is my Declaration of Independence and Stupendence!!!!!!
Peace
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Market Takes a Fall Once Again
Ladies, Ladies, ladies… Please stop what you’re doing IMMMEDIATELY!!!! Your stock is plummeting rapidly.
What have you all been doing lately? The market is in dire need of a good woman or better yet good women. I look and all I see is bad examples of women left and right. Sarah Palin, Sahel Kazemi, Gov. Sanford’s mistress, Sen. Ensign’s mother and mistress, Marion Barry’s mistress, and this extremely bright woman or even this brighter one. If you don’t believe what I am saying please feel free to go here and look at your stock quote. Don’t get me wrong there are a few women that have held your gender down and continue to make your stock worth while i.e. Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey. But these two women cannot and will not hold the load for all women.
After consulting with all of my analysts and asking the research department their findings, we have all concluded that it is not looking good for the home team – you. We are rooting for the home team, EVERYONE roots for the home team. But it just seems to be getting worse.
Now I like so many other men, wish that I could love every woman in the world. But you all are making it too difficult. How can women expect men to love them if women continue to objectify themselves? Don’t get me wrong, I love the occasional unexpected breast flash or a nice booty video. But when you have women that understandingly volunteer for a video like Drake’s Best I Ever Had, what can men do. It doesn’t make us love you more. It makes us want to make love to you (do it) more but definitely not love you more. Quite the opposite in fact. Now you can say it was just a few women and we all are not like that but what about the other women in the video who didn’t try to talk some sense into the women objectifying themselves. “You know you’re going to look stupid in this video” or “Hey, girl there’s a strip club right down the street”. Anything.
When Sarah Palin came onto the scene after Barack Obama…(Hold for applause)…beat his opponent in the primaries it seemed as if women were coming up. It was a nice run at the presidency by Hillary Clinton, then a woman for Vice-President. Then Sarah Palin spoke and it was all down hill from there. She recently just stepped down from her position as the Governor of Alaska. No need to continue here.
Sahel Kazemi, the woman who shot and killed Steve McNair for no apparent reason is officially the worst woman on the list. I mean come on, his name rhymes with mine. But she was driving a Kia before they met and he upgraded her to an Escalade. How could anyone have a problem with that? Kia vs. Escalade. I’m astonished. What did she want a Navigator instead?
Gov. Sanford of South Carolina had a mistress in Argentina. ARGENTINA!!! She couldn’t find a great Argentinean to sleep around with. Manu Ginobili didn’t have any cousins. Senator Ensign’s mistress took $96,000 to go away and quit her job. FROM HIS PARENTS! His mother paid his mistress to go away.
Power makes many sexy. But Marion Barry’s sexiness should’ve gone away in 1990 when he got arrested for smoking crack. He is 73 years old. And his middle name is…wait for it…wait for it...Shepilov. Yes, Shepilov. That is when you just turn and walk away, no explanations needed. But, she didn’t and now there are pictures like this on the internet.
The almighty Beyonce has video after video after video of her gyrating and parading around like she is in permanent Mardi Gras mode. I like these videos, don’t get me wrong. My daughter just can’t watch them until she is 18 and my son until he goes to prom. I don’t want to walk in the room and he jumps to pull up the sheets and I look and Beyonce’s video is on. I would much rather him be looking the real deal and not soft stuff.
This is just a public service announcement for women of all kind. Please help your stock rise. You all could easily run the world. Step up to the plate and do your thing. Stop trying to look and act like this - look and act like these.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Something for the People
If you're like me, change comes slow. I love technology and some people would even say I'm a gadget fiend. I don't think so, but I do love always having the newest things in technology. It's weird because I still can't even put together my new game system when I get it. I buy it and then it sits there until I can convince an unknowing friend to come over and play me in the new addition to the John Madden series. It's sad but that is the way it is. I love technology I just don't understand it and have no desire to at this moment. On a side note, I rarely lose at Madden. If anyone would like to challenge me please just say so.
I recently just got onto the the whole twitter movement. I mean its just a website that you can text/email your friends and people you don't even know and let them know what you are doing. If you like to text and email then it is the site for you and follow me.
Any way, I recently found a GREAT site, I think. It is called Pandora Radio. It plays only music you like. You type in artists you like and it makes a playlist based upon that artist and similar artist. It's brilliant in my opinion. Anything to keep Jennifer Hudson out of my ears is fine with me . Speaking of which she SUCKED to all get out yesterday at the Michael Jackson memorial. She has no range and no sense of volume. She only sings in one octave and one volume. EXTREMELY LOUD!!!!!!! She sang Will You Be There the Free Willy song by Michael Jackson, which is supposed to start out as a whisper and climb and climax at the end. Everyone at the Staples Center should have been in tears at the end of this song with its potent words, situation in which it was sang and it is just a moving, good song. Well she completely blew it because she came out screaming right at the beginning...I bet she would be nice in bed. She just gets right to it and starts off at the climax. This would alleviate most problems in the bedroom seeing as how...Nevermind.
Check out Pandora Radio. Its good technology. I finally got on it and I LOVE it.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Happy Independence Day!!!!
So, tomorrow is July 4th, Independence Day. Independence from the ugly over lords of Britain. The silly folks that wanted all people to worship one religion and that would tax you until your pockets were empty. What kind of society would look down on a person for questioning religion and saying there could possibly be a better way out there? Even imprison some people for just believing that and doing something against the norm. A society that would also imprison their own that didn't pay taxes every year. Thank goodness we got away from that kind of society. Anywho, we all like to have fun on July 4th. Here are some ways to stay safe over the weekend.
First and foremost, leave the fireworks to the experts. We hear this every year and every year we always hear of some idiot that caught their clothes on fire or blew their fingers off. We never think it can't be us. But coupled with a few cups of the good stuff anything can happen. One second you're having fun holding a sparkler the next you're texting with your ring fingers.
Secondly, don't drink too much of the good stuff. We all know our limits. Adhere to them this weekend. The police will be out looking for people to slip up. Here's a sure fire way to know when its time to call it quits. When you're talking to that sexy friend your cousin brought and you quickly turn your head to glance (probably long stare since you've been drinking) at the curvature of their butt and a trail is following it. You know, like Bruce Leroy in The Last Dragon when he got the glow (55 second mark). You SHONUFF!!! better stop drinking.
Third, make sure all the flames and ashes are fulling out before walking away from the grill. I had a surprise last year after everything was said and done. I was chilling with company when all of a sudden the tree seemed to resemble the burning bush. I thought I was having a God moment and he was choosing me to lead the people in a revolt against the "too many churches popping up in every shopping center movement". I started speaking in tongues too, "Hummana gripsky doop tataka scooby doo". Then everyone ran passed me yelling expletives talking about "The grill, the grill , the grill is on fire. We need some water so the ma'a'fala don't burn". And I said "What?!?" They all replied in unison "Burn ma'a'fala Burn!!!" That was the end of my experience. I ran over and helped to douse the flames but I did end up looking like Fire Marshall Bill.
Lastly, if you see anyone dressed in British military attire throw your cup of goodness at them and run to the bathtub or the sink with toothbrush in hand. They HATE these things at all costs. They are easy to spot. They wear really loud clothes and extremely tight pants. They sort of remind you of every young male today. Telling the difference is too hard just run first and ask questions later because the latter might touch you and give you the ambiguous disease.
I hope these tips help you this weekend and keep you safe. Enjoy yourselves and don't do too much. Happy Fourth of July!!!!!