The Market Takes a Fall Once Again

Ladies, Ladies, ladies… Please stop what you’re doing IMMMEDIATELY!!!! Your stock is plummeting rapidly.

What have you all been doing lately? The market is in dire need of a good woman or better yet good women. I look and all I see is bad examples of women left and right. Sarah Palin, Sahel Kazemi, Gov. Sanford’s mistress, Sen. Ensign’s mother and mistress, Marion Barry’s mistress, and this extremely bright woman or even this brighter one. If you don’t believe what I am saying please feel free to go here and look at your stock quote. Don’t get me wrong there are a few women that have held your gender down and continue to make your stock worth while i.e. Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey. But these two women cannot and will not hold the load for all women.

After consulting with all of my analysts and asking the research department their findings, we have all concluded that it is not looking good for the home team – you. We are rooting for the home team, EVERYONE roots for the home team. But it just seems to be getting worse.

Now I like so many other men, wish that I could love every woman in the world. But you all are making it too difficult. How can women expect men to love them if women continue to objectify themselves? Don’t get me wrong, I love the occasional unexpected breast flash or a nice booty video. But when you have women that understandingly volunteer for a video like Drake’s Best I Ever Had, what can men do. It doesn’t make us love you more. It makes us want to make love to you (do it) more but definitely not love you more. Quite the opposite in fact. Now you can say it was just a few women and we all are not like that but what about the other women in the video who didn’t try to talk some sense into the women objectifying themselves. “You know you’re going to look stupid in this video” or “Hey, girl there’s a strip club right down the street”. Anything.

When Sarah Palin came onto the scene after Barack Obama…(Hold for applause)…beat his opponent in the primaries it seemed as if women were coming up. It was a nice run at the presidency by Hillary Clinton, then a woman for Vice-President. Then Sarah Palin spoke and it was all down hill from there. She recently just stepped down from her position as the Governor of Alaska. No need to continue here.

Sahel Kazemi, the woman who shot and killed Steve McNair for no apparent reason is officially the worst woman on the list. I mean come on, his name rhymes with mine. But she was driving a Kia before they met and he upgraded her to an Escalade. How could anyone have a problem with that? Kia vs. Escalade. I’m astonished. What did she want a Navigator instead?

Gov. Sanford of South Carolina had a mistress in Argentina. ARGENTINA!!! She couldn’t find a great Argentinean to sleep around with. Manu Ginobili didn’t have any cousins. Senator Ensign’s mistress took $96,000 to go away and quit her job. FROM HIS PARENTS! His mother paid his mistress to go away.

Power makes many sexy. But Marion Barry’s sexiness should’ve gone away in 1990 when he got arrested for smoking crack. He is 73 years old. And his middle name is…wait for it…wait for it...Shepilov. Yes, Shepilov. That is when you just turn and walk away, no explanations needed. But, she didn’t and now there are pictures like this on the internet.

The almighty Beyonce has video after video after video of her gyrating and parading around like she is in permanent Mardi Gras mode. I like these videos, don’t get me wrong. My daughter just can’t watch them until she is 18 and my son until he goes to prom. I don’t want to walk in the room and he jumps to pull up the sheets and I look and Beyonce’s video is on. I would much rather him be looking the real deal and not soft stuff.

This is just a public service announcement for women of all kind. Please help your stock rise. You all could easily run the world. Step up to the plate and do your thing. Stop trying to look and act like this - look and act like these.