Happy Independence Day!!!!

So, tomorrow is July 4th, Independence Day. Independence from the ugly over lords of Britain. The silly folks that wanted all people to worship one religion and that would tax you until your pockets were empty. What kind of society would look down on a person for questioning religion and saying there could possibly be a better way out there? Even imprison some people for just believing that and doing something against the norm. A society that would also imprison their own that didn't pay taxes every year. Thank goodness we got away from that kind of society. Anywho, we all like to have fun on July 4th. Here are some ways to stay safe over the weekend.

First and foremost, leave the fireworks to the experts. We hear this every year and every year we always hear of some idiot that caught their clothes on fire or blew their fingers off. We never think it can't be us. But coupled with a few cups of the good stuff anything can happen. One second you're having fun holding a sparkler the next you're texting with your ring fingers.

Secondly, don't drink too much of the good stuff. We all know our limits. Adhere to them this weekend. The police will be out looking for people to slip up. Here's a sure fire way to know when its time to call it quits. When you're talking to that sexy friend your cousin brought and you quickly turn your head to glance (probably long stare since you've been drinking) at the curvature of their butt and a trail is following it. You know, like Bruce Leroy in The Last Dragon when he got the glow (55 second mark). You SHONUFF!!! better stop drinking.

Third, make sure all the flames and ashes are fulling out before walking away from the grill. I had a surprise last year after everything was said and done. I was chilling with company when all of a sudden the tree seemed to resemble the burning bush. I thought I was having a God moment and he was choosing me to lead the people in a revolt against the "too many churches popping up in every shopping center movement". I started speaking in tongues too, "Hummana gripsky doop tataka scooby doo". Then everyone ran passed me yelling expletives talking about "The grill, the grill , the grill is on fire. We need some water so the ma'a'fala don't burn". And I said "What?!?" They all replied in unison "Burn ma'a'fala Burn!!!" That was the end of my experience. I ran over and helped to douse the flames but I did end up looking like Fire Marshall Bill.

Lastly, if you see anyone dressed in British military attire throw your cup of goodness at them and run to the bathtub or the sink with toothbrush in hand. They HATE these things at all costs. They are easy to spot. They wear really loud clothes and extremely tight pants. They sort of remind you of every young male today. Telling the difference is too hard just run first and ask questions later because the latter might touch you and give you the ambiguous disease.

I hope these tips help you this weekend and keep you safe. Enjoy yourselves and don't do too much. Happy Fourth of July!!!!!