Lil Wayne Jail Sentencing Postponed After he has his Braces Tightened

Lil Wayne temporarily escaped his sentencing in New York on criminal possession of a weapon after the judge found out that the rapper just had his braces tightened. Lil Wayne, 27, whose real name is Dwayne Carter said that he and his Pa had been planning this oral surgery since he was even littler. “You know this has actually been a procedure that Pa and I have been planning for awhile. Braces are very important to a Martian’s appearance and we thought this was a perfect time to get them tightened to close the gap between my Incisors. Fans mistakenly thought I had all this platinum in my mouth for a fashion statement. No, these platinum braces are so Weezy F can keep that Colgate smile, whoadie.” The braces also must be a way to keep him and his Pa close like a father and son should be. As Pa gave him a beautiful and passionate kiss as Wayne walked out of the Orthodontist.

He is still in my heart !!!

Juan Dixon blames his alleged steroid use on the death of his former teammate, Len Bias.

N-Word Please !!!

John Mayer says n*ggaz should just give him a hood pass for using the ‘n-word’.

Clark Kent Tells Dwight Howard and Shaq to Kindly Shut the F*ck Up

After the Cleveland Cavaliers played the Orlando Magic this week, Shaquille O’Neal commented to the media questioning the true origin of the “Superman” mantra, referencing the use of it by Orlando center, Dwight Howard. Dwight, in response, basically told Shaq to get over it because ‘a lot of people call themselves Superman, not just me and Shaq.’ And one of those persons held a press conference to tell both of those multi-million dollar superstars to just shut the f*ck up.

“Why the h*ll are we even entertaining these two idiots? “said reporter, Clark Kent, with much disdain. “These two normal humans are making millions of dollars playing a damn game. I am a super human and I had to work as a measly reporter at that crappy Daily Planet, barely making minimum wage, and I didn’t have to step in front of the cameras boasting about who I was. How can they be Superman anyway ? Neither one of them have that little Vidal Sassoon curl in the front of their hair.”

One of Clark Kent’s arch-nemesis, General Zod, was quick to chime in on this ‘Who is the real superman?’ debate.

“In my professional villain opinion, this is really no question. I quickly realized the authenticity of Clark’s Superman powers that time I asked him to ‘Come, kneel before Zod’ and that prick crushed my frickin hand leaving me with Arthritis. Furthermore, how could Shaq even be the son of Jor-el, isn’t his father’s name Phillip or something?”

Clark says that ‘even though everyone uses cell phones now’, he ‘will find a phone booth somewhere if it needs to be proven who the true man of steel is.’

“Look, for the last time. I am Clark Kent and I am the real Superman. Not Dwight Howard and not Shaquille O’Neal. My feats are impeccable and well-documented. And not only in saving Earth from General Zod and his 2 cronies but also in my eye for discovering talent. H*ll, I made Lex Luthor a star way before Enemy of the State and Wyatt Earp.”

Nate Robinson Wins 3rd Consecutive Mini Slam Contest at Local Carnival

Nate Robinson became the first player to win the mini slam contest, 3 years in a row, at the local Carnival held Saturday night in Dallas, TX. The carnival, which has become largely forgettable the last couple of years, has tried to spice things up by using a 6’5 rim instead of the standard 10’ rim which the carnival routinely incorporates. Nate won the contest in the final round by bringing several Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders on the court with him, attempting to divert the fans attention to the ladies and away from this joke of a contest.

“The best thing that I could bring with me to this mini slam contest were the Cowboys cheerleaders. I asked if they could help me out in the carnival this year and they said they were more than happy to. I told them that all I needed them to do really was just to walk out onto the court and that should distract the crowd enough so they wouldn’t pay any attention to the crap I was doing.”

And his goal was successful. When asked what he thought of Nate’s final dunk, Shawn Rudell, local bartender, said, “Who?”

“To be honest, I have stopped paying any attention to this annual carnival. I just come to the events because of all the hot women who come in droves to try to secure themselves a carnival participant. There’s only so many ‘roofies’ you can slip in a chick’s drink and I figured this was the next best thing. And I was much more focused on the T&A out there on the court with the pompoms than watching the New York Knicks mascot. Did he win ?”

But Robinson said that he is not going for 4 carnival wins in a row and that he is calling it quits.

“No, this is it for me. I’m just happy that I got this third one in a row. But this is definitely the last one. I don’t think I can bear all the different ideas they were trying to come up with to make this carnival interesting again. Things like a ‘Guess Charles Barkley’s Weight’ booth or a ‘Take a Pic with the mascot of the New York Knicks’ booth. Come on man. And I thought the NBA All-Star Saturday night was a joke.”

Haiti

If you wish to help, this is a good place to start: http://www.charitynavigator.org/

M Slago presents The Nag Champa Sessions

I don't know too much about the artist M Slago, but I can certainly testify to his offering on this effort. If you are into good thinking, driving, chilling, dinner party music this is for you... Props to the folks at http://www.grittygoat.com/ for the link. Enjoy!!


http://www.grittygoat.com/audio/releases/M_Slago_-_Nag_Champa_Sessions.zip

Not again..Not another day.

THIS IS THE VERY SAME POST FROM EARLIER THIS YEAR. APPARENTLY IT FELL IT ON DEAF EARS SO I DECIDED TO POST IT AGAIN. WITH THE RECENT REVELATION THAT TIGER WOODS HAS/HAD 9 MISTRESSES. HOW CAN ANYONE BE MAD AT TIGER? ALL OF THE BLAME SHOULD BE ON THE WOMEN. ALL 9 OF THEM. HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT, SELF-ESTEEM IN YOUR SELF. RESPECT WHAT IS NOT YOURS. WOMEN ARE NASTY, TRIFLING, CONNIVING, SELF-CENTERED, MANIPULATING, SELF-SERVING, BACK-STABBING, CONSPIRATORY INDIVIDUALS. WOMEN TELL MEN ALL THE TIME "WE ARE SMARTER THAN YOU, WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN." NEWS FLASH, AND I APOLOGIZE TO ALL MEN, YOU ALL ARE CORRECT. YOU ARE SMARTER. SO HOW CAN YOU EXPECT A MAN OR TIGER TO BE ABLE TO COMPETE WITH THE LIKES OF THIS. - preface by Anonymous



Ladies, Ladies, ladies… Please stop what you’re doing IMMMEDIATELY!!!! Your stock is plummeting rapidly.

What have you all been doing lately? The market is in dire need of a good woman or better yet good women. I look and all I see is bad examples of women left and right. Sarah Palin, Sahel Kazemi, Gov. Sanford’s mistress, Sen. Ensign’s mother and mistress, Marion Barry’s mistress, and this extremely bright woman or even this brighter one. If you don’t believe what I am saying please feel free to go here and look at your stock quote. Don’t get me wrong there are a few women that have held your gender down and continue to make your stock worth while i.e. Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey. But these two women cannot and will not hold the load for all women.

After consulting with all of my analysts and asking the research department their findings, we have all concluded that it is not looking good for the home team – you. We are rooting for the home team, EVERYONE roots for the home team. But it just seems to be getting worse.

Now I like so many other men, wish that I could love every woman in the world. But you all are making it too difficult. How can women expect men to love them if women continue to objectify themselves? Don’t get me wrong, I love the occasional unexpected breast flash or a nice booty video. But when you have women that understandingly volunteer for a video like Drake’s Best I Ever Had, what can men do. It doesn’t make us love you more. It makes us want to make love to you (do it) more but definitely not love you more. Quite the opposite in fact. Now you can say it was just a few women and we all are not like that but what about the other women in the video who didn’t try to talk some sense into the women objectifying themselves. “You know you’re going to look stupid in this video” or “Hey, girl there’s a strip club right down the street”. Anything.

When Sarah Palin came onto the scene after Barack Obama…(Hold for applause)…beat his opponent in the primaries it seemed as if women were coming up. It was a nice run at the presidency by Hillary Clinton, then a woman for Vice-President. Then Sarah Palin spoke and it was all down hill from there. She recently just stepped down from her position as the Governor of Alaska. No need to continue here.

Sahel Kazemi, the woman who shot and killed Steve McNair for no apparent reason is officially the worst woman on the list. I mean come on, his name rhymes with mine. But she was driving a Kia before they met and he upgraded her to an Escalade. How could anyone have a problem with that? Kia vs. Escalade. I’m astonished. What did she want a Navigator instead?

Gov. Sanford of South Carolina had a mistress in Argentina. ARGENTINA!!! She couldn’t find a great Argentinean to sleep around with. Manu Ginobili didn’t have any cousins. Senator Ensign’s mistress took $96,000 to go away and quit her job. FROM HIS PARENTS! His mother paid his mistress to go away.

Power makes many sexy. But Marion Barry’s sexiness should’ve gone away in 1990 when he got arrested for smoking crack. He is 73 years old. And his middle name is…wait for it…wait for it...Shepilov. Yes, Shepilov. That is when you just turn and walk away, no explanations needed. But, she didn’t and now there are pictures like this on the internet.

The almighty Beyonce has video after video after video of her gyrating and parading around like she is in permanent Mardi Gras mode. I like these videos, don’t get me wrong. My daughter just can’t watch them until she is 18 and my son until he goes to prom. I don’t want to walk in the room and he jumps to pull up the sheets and I look and Beyonce’s video is on. I would much rather him be looking at the real deal and not soft stuff.

This is just a public service announcement for women of all kind. Please help your stock rise. You all could easily run the world. Step up to the plate and do your thing. Stop trying to look and act like this - look and act like these.